


Looking for Love

by avalotsnow



Series: Elsamaren summer 2020 [3]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: (is mentioned) - Freeform, Are you the one I've been looking for all of my life?, Elsamaren Summer 2020 (Disney), F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:01:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25343629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avalotsnow/pseuds/avalotsnow
Summary: All Honeymaren wanted was to find someone to love, but this isn't easy when you are a woman who loves women in an enchanted forest. But then you are free and the world is your oyster, but is what you're looking for really out there?
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: Elsamaren summer 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1835251
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61
Collections: Elsamaren Summer 2020





	Looking for Love

It was still too loud, too busy and just too much.

While Honeymaren was happy to be back in a place where she could at least understand the language and recognise certain familiar traits in the buildings and people, Christiania was still a far cry from the forest she had grown up in.

It had been over a year since Honeymaren left the forest in search of a future that wasn’t marred by captivity and loneliness, and yet all she had found was crowded streets and empty hearts.

When Honeymaren was little she had been captivated by the love she saw around her. She used to watch her parents interact for hours on end. She memorised each little detail of the affection they showed each other so she could one day share moments like these with her own partner. 

She had held onto these dreams and by the time Honeymaren was fourteen she was certain her partner would have to be a woman. The boys in her village did nothing for her, while some of the girls made her heart skip a beat every time they smiled at her.

This hadn’t been bad news for Honeymaren, plenty of people among the Northuldra preferred a partner of the same gender so her daydreams simply became more defined. She pictured herself returning home to a beautiful woman who looked at her with adoration.

But as she grew older and her friends started partnering up more and more, Honeymaren grew worried there wasn’t anyone in the forest for her. There were other women who loved women but they were older and had partnered up already. By the time Maren was twenty-two, it had become clear there wasn’t anyone in the forest who could be a possible partner. 

So she gave up. The mist wasn’t going anywhere and neither was she. Honeymaren threw herself into her work. Focused on being a good warrior, a competent reindeer herder, a kind daughter and loyal sister and perhaps a leader one day. After all, there was nothing else in her future to look forward to.

Then one day, a group of strangers showed up in the forest. Two gorgeous women, Honeymaren had spotted that immediately, a nice guy with a reindeer, and, to Honeymaren’s shock and surprise, a talking snowman. 

The women turned out to be the Queen and the Princess of Arendelle and within a day they had freed the forest and changed Honeymaren’s life forever. Suddenly, all that had seemed impossible before, was possible.

With a renewed spirit, Honeymaren explored the world around the forest. She had known it would be unlikely that she’d fall for a woman right away but that was okay. She had time. 

There were a few settlements fairly near the forest but Honeymaren had no success there. She moved onto Arendelle. She considered asking the now both queens who insistent on being called Elsa and Anna by the Northuldra but noticed how they were treated by their people and decided to keep her distance a bit. They were nice but all the bowing seemed a bit much.

Instead, Honeymaren went to a tavern and asked the barmaid. Her response was a bit shocked but she pointed her to a woman named Hjordis. After a few minutes of small talk Honeymaren asked about the possibility of finding more women who love women in Arendelle. Hjordis shushed her and pulled her outside. Once away from any other people Hjordis started to talk.

‘Look, Honeymaren, you seem like a lovely girl, but you’ve got to be careful asking those sorts of questions around here.’

‘Why?’

‘Arendelle is a lovely place, it’s kind to its people and the Queens are good women. Everyone is allowed to live as they please as long as they’re quiet about it.’

‘What does that mean,’ Honeymaren asked.

‘My partner, Sarah, and I are very happy, we live in a lovely home in the mountains near Arendelle. We live and work within our community, but when people ask we tell them we are just good friends.’

Honeymaren was taken aback by this, but in a way it didn’t matter. She didn’t want to live in Arendelle. She wanted to find a woman and take her back to the forest where they could live and love freely and openly. So instead of challenging what she heard, Honeymaren asked the one thing she really wanted to know.

‘Where did you meet?’

‘I realised,’ Hjordis said, ‘that I wouldn’t just find someone in Arendelle but that there were people like me out there so I just had to go to where there were more people. I travelled through Europe and visited many cities and found Sarah in London.’

‘London?’

‘It’s a big city in England,’ Hjordis said, but eyeing Honeymaren’s confused look she added, ‘which is a country across the sea. If you go to Bergen or Christiania you can get on a ship that will take you there. It costs quite a bit though.’

And so started the worst year of Honeymaren’s life. She worked in many different places and conditions, often for long and exhausting hours to earn enough money to travel to cities that made her feel more miserable than any enchanted forest every could.

It’s not that she never met any women who love women. She did. Like Hjordis, she found a whole community of women like her in London. She stayed there for several months, learned a bit of the language and got close to a few women, but none shared her dream of a quiet life in the forest. 

After she had spent nearly a year away from her home, Honeymaren knew she had to make a decision. She missed her family, friends and the forest more than she had known was possible and she was no closer to finding the woman of her dreams. She had to make a choice: give up on her dream and go home, or keep trying but feel worse every day? In the end, Honeymaren couldn’t live like this and she started her journey home.

Which is how she found herself in Christiania. It took four days but she found a ship that was bringing supplies to Arendelle and if she worked in the kitchen, they would take Honeymaren with them. 

Two weeks later, on a reindeer she had borrowed from Kristoff – apparently he was best friends with her brother now – Honeymaren saw the first trees of the forest. She was home.

Honeymaren had never been hugged as much as she had in the last two hours. Her welcome had been overwhelming and her father was bustling around in the tribe’s kitchen to prepare a feast in her honour. Her mother had not stopped holding her hand and kissing her face. Her brother couldn’t decide between wanting to hear her stories or tell her his own. 

More and more tribe members joined, all happy to see Honeymaren and beyond kind when they learned how unsuccessful her journey had been, and Honeymaren could not express the joy she felt at being home after so long.

‘Hello Honeymaren,’ a new voice said. ‘Welcome home.’

Honeymaren looked up to see who it was and locked eyes with the Queen’s bright blue ones. She looked different than Honeymaren remembered. She was wearing Northuldra clothes, with a spirit pattern sewn in. Her hair was tied back into a high ponytail and she looked entirely at home with the tribe.

‘Thank you, Elsa,’ Honeymaren said, remembering how she preferred to be addressed. ‘It’s good to see you.’

‘And you,’ Elsa said. ‘I was sorry to hear your travels weren’t successful.’

‘Yeah,’ Honeymaren said, not wanting to get into the details. ‘Cities just aren’t my thing.’

‘I understand completely,’ Elsa said. ‘As queen I had to visit several cities and each one was busier and dirtier than the next. It made me feel trapped.’

In complete agreement, Honeymaren shared a short conversation with Elsa about the bliss a forest can bring compared to a packed city. Their conversation was cut short by a speech from Yelana in which she welcomed Honeymaren home while also assigning her several tasks she would have to complete starting tomorrow. It was summer so it was a very busy time for them.

It really was good to be home.

After most of the tribe had left, Ryder turned to Honeymaren, ‘there is one issue though.’

‘What?’ Honeymaren asked.

‘While you were away, I presented Nadja with a carving and she is living with me.’

Honeymaren tried not to feel bitter about her brother’s success in love. He was a great guy and deserved it, ‘that’s okay. I can stay with mum and dad.’

‘You can stay with us,’ Ryder hurried to add. ‘But it will just be a bit cramped.’

‘I don’t want to get in the way,’ Honeymaren said. ‘And I would only be with mum and dad for a little while, I’ll build my own place soon.’

‘We would love to have you,’ Honeymaren’s mum said. ‘We’ll just have to make a bed for you.’

For a moment Honeymaren felt a twinge of sadness. Of course people had moved on without her. That’s what she had been trying to do as well, but the idea that there wasn’t any room for her here still hurt.

‘You can stay with me.’

All the Natturas turned to face Elsa. Her offer came as a bit of surprise.

‘I’ve got plenty of room in my place because Anna, Kristoff and Olaf come to stay sometimes, but they’re away at the moment so there’s a lot of space,’ Elsa said, and when no-one responded right away she continued, ‘and as Yelana said we’re very busy so it’ll probably be a while before you have time to build your own place.’

After a long moment of silence Honeymaren asked, ‘are you sure?’

‘Absolutely,’ Elsa said. ‘I’d enjoy the company.’

‘Okay.’

~*~*~

If Honeymaren were honest she would have to admit she wasn’t quite sure why she had agreed to stay with Elsa. Part of her hadn’t wanted to burden her parents and brother, but the other part wasn’t so clear.

Elsa had seemed quite shy when she showed Honeymaren her home. It wasn’t a traditional ghoati as she didn’t need to move it around, but it was a simple square structure instead. There was a stove with a few cupboards next to a table with two chairs on one side and an elevation with a generous sized bed and a fireplace on the other side. The walls and ceiling had been decorated with snowflakes which Honeymaren discovered were made from actual ice when she touched one and her finger got stuck. Elsa had just laughed lightly and freed her with a wave of her hand.

The women settled into a routine quickly. Elsa had taken on several tasks within the tribe in Honeymaren’s absence, but she also had duties back in Arendelle, especially now that Anna was away.

At first Honeymaren enjoyed the days Elsa was away. She had the place to herself and could starfish on the bed, but after a few weeks she missed Elsa’s presence more than she enjoyed her solitude, and she was glad when Anna returned and Elsa only had to spend two days in Arendelle, rather than the previous four.

As the summer was nearing its end, the tasks started to pile up and Honeymaren had to work from dusk till dawn on many days.

‘Am I dead?’ Honeymaren had collapsed onto the bed as soon as she got home after such a day.

‘I certainly hope not,’ Elsa said, stirring the final ingredients into the stew she was making for them. On long days like these, they preferred to eat at home, rather than with the tribe.

‘No, I think I am,’ Honeymaren said. ‘Please never forget me.’

Elsa chuckled, which was a sound Honeymaren had begun to try and bring out as much as possible. ‘Come on,’ Elsa said. ‘Grab our bowls and cups so we can eat and after dinner I’ll rub the sore spots.’

That certainly got Honeymaren’s attention. A few nights ago, she had complained of a sore shoulder and Elsa offered to rub it. It had made her feel things she had never felt before. The possibility of that happening again was very enticing. 

Honeymaren tried not to gobble down the food too quickly and run back to the bed. Instead she acted cool and collected and casually mentioned a sore spot on her back. At least she hoped that’s how it had come across to Elsa.

Once on the bed, Elsa settled on top of her. The weight of her on her lower back made Honeymaren bite back a moan. It wowed her that hands that possessed such power could treat her so gently. Pushing and kneading her back with care until the muscles relaxed underneath them. 

Last time Elsa hadn’t lingered when she was done but this time Honeymaren could feel a soft caress along her side followed by another. Moving up Elsa traced Honeymaren’s bare arms with her fingers.

‘You really have to loveliest arms,’ Elsa whispered.

‘Oh,’ Honeymaren said, too stunned to say much more.

‘Yes,’ Elsa said, ‘although it’s not just your arms. You are a beautiful woman.’

At this point Elsa did sink into the hides next to Honeymaren. She reached out to move a bit of hair behind Honeymaren’s ear and asked, ‘is it okay that I said that?’

Elsa often asked if something was okay. Honeymaren noticed this early on. She was terribly worried about saying or doing the wrong thing so Honeymaren was quick to reassure her.

‘Of course it is, I think you are beautiful too.’

And she did. In fact, Honeymaren was certain that she had found everything she had been looking for in Elsa. Not just the comfort of a home, but unbridled desire as well. Unfortunately, one key element was missing; Elsa would never feel the same way. But Honeymaren decided to count her blessings anyway. She was home and while she and Elsa didn’t share all she wanted them too, it was a lot more than Honeymaren could have wished for.

~*~*~

The months passed and things slowed down for the Northuldra. The reindeer had been moved, the stores had been stacked and the people were preparing for winter. Elsa and Anna had introduced them to several Arendellian games and a group of people were carving small statues and squares with dots on them from wood so they could play these games in the winter. 

Honeymaren was working on improving the home she shared with Elsa. Elsa had never brought up how Honeymaren was going to build her own place, and Honeymaren certainly wasn’t going to mention it. Instead she made small adjustments to their home and Elsa had always responded happily. Last month, Honeymaren had obtained a piece of glass from Arendelle and created two windows. One next to the table and another above the bed so they could look at the stars from their bed. Elsa had thanked her with a kiss on her cheek and decorated both windows with curtains.

It wasn’t as though the prospect of another kiss was the only driving force for Honeymaren’s current project, but it did help. She had spent more time than she would like to admit trying to work out what made Elsa bless her with a kiss. She did the same thing with Elsa holding her hand, or leaning against her, or cuddling close while they were falling asleep. If Honeymaren could determine why and when she did these things, she could make them happen over and over again.

Right now Honeymaren was making a small bookcase for Elsa. She wanted to build it into the wall and have shelving from top to bottom. Shaving down the wood, she pictured the look on Elsa’s face when she returned tomorrow. She really was the most beautiful woman in the world and when she smiled even more so.

‘Hey sis,’ Ryder said as he approached. ‘What are you up to?’

‘Hey,’ Honeymaren answered, ‘just making a bookcase for Elsa.’

‘She does love to read,’ Ryder said. Honeymaren knew he didn’t care for it, and while it wasn’t her favourite activity either, she loved it when Elsa read to her while playing with her hair. ‘Can I talk to you about Elsa for a bit?’

‘Sure,’ Honeymaren said, wondering what this would be about.

‘Right, well, you know we love you right. Me, mum and dad. And we know how hard it has been for you to give up on finding a partner.’

‘Yeah…’

‘We’re just a bit worried that you’re projecting some of what you want onto Elsa and we’re not sure if that’s the best idea.’

‘Don’t worry about,’ Honeymaren said. She knew what she was doing and she was happy. Her family definitely needed to butt out. ‘It’s fine.’

Ryder didn’t say anything for a while and stared at the people carving for the games a few metres away. It looked like he wasn’t going to say anything at all when he suddenly asked, ‘are you in love with her?’

Honeymaren scoffed. She hoped that would be answer enough because otherwise she would have to either lie to her brother or tell him the painful truth that she was in love with Elsa. Absolutely, hopelessly in love and he would not let her get away with ignoring the problems that might lead to.

‘That’s not really an answer, Maren.’

Suddenly Honeymaren felt really annoyed. Why did he have to poke the bear? She was perfectly happy pretending her little arrangement with Elsa was okay. Only a few minutes ago she was looking forward to a possible kiss on her cheek and now she had to address the painful fact that Elsa would never love her the same way she loved her just because her brother wanted her to think about it.

‘What does it matter to you, Ryder? I don’t bother you about Nadja and how you live your lives so I’d appreciate it if you extended me the same courtesy.’

‘Right,’ Ryder said. ‘That’s what I thought.’

‘I tried, Ry,’ Honeymaren said as Ryder got up to leave. ‘You know I did. I tried so hard to find someone and this thing with Elsa, I know it’s not perfect, but it’s good. I’m happy.’

Ryder put his arms around Honeymaren and said, ‘I just love you so much, Mare, and wish you could have everything you’ve been looking for, rather than settling for this.’

‘I know.’

In the end, Honeymaren had been right. Elsa was ecstatic about her new bookcase and Honeymaren got two kisses, one on each cheek, and a long hug. After she had released her, Elsa had immediately started moving her things to the bookcase and said it was the perfect spot for the present Anna had given her while she was in Arendelle.

‘Look,’ Elsa said. ‘It’s the picture they took of us when we went to Arendelle a few weeks ago. She put it in a nice frame.’

Elsa placed the frame on the shelf at eyelevel and Honeymaren turned to look at it while Elsa gathered the rest of her books. It was a good picture but Honeymaren was struck by how painfully obvious her look of longing in Elsa’s direction was. 

Ever since her conversation with her brother Honeymaren hadn’t been able to shake this uncomfortable feeling of living half a life.

‘Are you okay?’ Elsa asked. Honeymaren hadn’t noticed her standing right next to her. ‘You seem a bit distracted. Did something happen while I was away?’

For a moment Honeymaren considered telling Elsa the truth, but she didn’t. 

‘No, everything is fine.’

‘Okay, if you’re sure,’ Elsa said, taking hold of her hands, pulling her back a little so they could admire the bookcase. ‘Because you can talk to me about anything.’

‘I know,’ Honeymaren said.

‘In fact, I wanted to talk to you about something.’

Elsa looked a little nervous. It probably meant she wanted Honeymaren to do something for her. That always seemed to make her nervous, even though Honeymaren hardly ever said no. They moved to sit down across from each other on the bed.

‘It’s about the holidays,’ Elsa said, still holding Honeymaren’s hands and softly caressing her fingers. ‘You weren’t here last year so I thought we should discuss what we will do.’

‘Right,’ Honeymaren said, even though her presence or lack thereof didn’t determine what the Northuldra did in general.

‘I feel a bit torn between my home here and my home in Arendelle,’ Elsa said. ‘When I was in Arendelle, Anna made it very clear that she is expecting me to go home to Arendelle for at least some of my birthday and all of Christmas, which is what I did last year, but she also understands things are a bit different now.’

‘Different?’

‘Yes,’ Elsa said, blushing for some reason. ‘You’re here now and we have this.’

Elsa helplessly gestured between them.

‘This?’

‘Yes, and I don’t know about you but I would like to spend at least some of the holidays together. Don’t you?’

Honeymaren absolutely wanted that. It didn’t matter to her where they would be. As long as they were together Honeymaren would be happy, but wasn’t that the problem? Isn’t that the sort of thing that she shouldn’t do?

‘Ehm, yeah, sure,’ Honeymaren said instead. ‘I suppose the only real thing is the winter solstice, we don’t really do that Christmas thing you talked about. So we can celebrate the solstice in the morning and then you can go to Arendelle for the rest of your birthday and Christmas.’

‘Without you?’ Elsa asked. She had moved her hands to her lap and was inspecting them rather closely. 

‘Yeah,’ Honeymaren said, ‘you said Christmas was a time for family.’

‘Right.’

They remained silent for a moment and then Elsa jumped off the bed announcing she was going for a walk. Honeymaren’s warnings about the cold were rightfully ignored but what Honeymaren could not ignore were the obvious tears in Elsa’s eyes.

Honeymaren paced around the home for at least an hour. Occasionally trying to clean or tidy something but there wasn’t really anything left to do since she had done all of it so Elsa would return to a tidy home. 

When Elsa finally came back, it was clear she had continued crying. The last thing Honeymaren had wanted to do was hurt Elsa. Maybe the kindest thing would be to come clean, but Elsa didn’t come home to chat. She got ready for bed in silence and after a quiet ‘goodnight’ blew out the light by their bed and left them in the dark.

Honeymaren considered preparing the guest bed, but decided against it. If nothing else, she wanted to be near Elsa. So Honeymaren climbed into their bed to find Elsa’s blue eyes staring at her and wet with fresh tears.

‘I’m sorry, Elsa.’

‘It’s okay,’ Elsa said. ‘I can’t force you to want to spend time with me.’

‘It’s not that, you must know it’s not that.’

‘Then what is it? I know something’s wrong, why won’t you tell me?’

Honeymaren looked deep into Elsa’s eyes. She really wanted to know and she was the kindest person and would probably not kick her out of the house immediately if she knew the truth. But this lovely life they had built would be over. The idea of this made Honeymaren’s own eyes water too.

‘I’m happy,’ Honeymaren said, and feeling emboldened by their relationship’s impending doom, she started caressing Elsa’s cheek. ‘Living here with you makes me so happy.’

‘Me too,’ Elsa said. ‘That’s not a bad thing, is it?’

‘It is when we want such different things.’

‘Do we?’

‘Elsa,’ Honeymaren said with a sigh, ‘you have no idea what you do to me. How I feel about you.’

‘Then tell me.’

This was the moment, Honeymaren knew there would be no turning back and still her mouth couldn’t form the words. Then she felt Elsa tug her closer, something she had done so many times before and it never failed to excite Honeymaren.

‘I’m in love with you.’

Honeymaren didn’t think she had ever heard silence like this. The whole moment seemed to have been frozen in time. Wait, could Elsa freeze time? If she could this would be the perfect time to do so. Everything would be worse from here on out. But time did not stop. Instead Elsa pulled Honeymaren even closer and right before pressing her lips against Honeymaren’s she whispered, ‘finally.’

Honeymaren’s mind was in shock. All she could feel was Elsa’s lips against her own, her hands holding onto her arms. As if guided by an unknown force, Honeymaren wrapped her arms around Elsa’s waist and pressed their bodies fully together. Elsa slipped her tongue in Honeymaren’s mouth and they moaned in unison.

They continued kissing and moving against each other until a fresh wave of desire spreading through Honeymaren made her move back for a moment. Elsa could not be deterred though and started kissing along her neck to her collarbone. 

‘Elsa, hold up,’ Honeymaren said, needing to understand what was happening.

‘Too much?’

‘No, no, I mean, no. It’s so good,’ Honeymaren said. ‘But I need to know what’s going on. Are you sure you want this?’

Then Elsa snorted. She legitimately snorted in derision. Honeymaren supposed the kissing had been a good indicator that she wanted this but Honeymaren needed to know when this had started for Elsa because Honeymaren had been feeling this way for months.

‘Okay, so you are,’ Honeymaren said. ‘That’s great. So am I, but tell me, when did this start for you?’

‘Do you remember us meeting over two years ago?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Then.’

‘What?’ Honeymaren was confused. Elsa had wanted to be with her since they met? That sounded unlikely.

‘Obviously I didn’t know how deeply I would fall in love with you then but you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and all I could think about was getting to know you better.’

‘In love?’ Honeymaren couldn’t believe her ears.

‘But you know how shy I am and I didn’t dare be too forward. You should’ve heard Anna. “She can’t fall in love with you if you keep hiding behind trees, Elsa”. And then you were gone. And I found out you were looking for a woman to love so I might’ve actually had a chance but I blew it.’

Elsa’s hands had started wandering and landed on her arms again and Honeymaren realised how much time Elsa’s hands had actually spent touching her arms.

‘And then you returned without a woman on your arm and I decided I would not waste any time being shy again so I asked you to come stay with me. I was shocked I had dared to but Anna was so proud. Every time I see her now she starts with “have you kissed her yet?” but I still worried because just because you like women doesn’t mean you’ll like me.’

Honeymaren seriously doubted that there are any women who love women who wouldn’t want to be with Elsa.

‘So I started dropping hints. I touched you whenever I could. Took you places, made you things, showed off my ice powers, kissed your beautiful face whenever possible. Held your hands, tried to make you laugh and make you feel safe, listened to you, cared for you, loved you. Waiting for you to make a move.’

The last six months or so flashed before Honeymaren’s eyes and she suddenly felt quite stupid for not having noticed the multitude of clues Elsa had left for her. Because while Honeymaren had tried to hide her feelings from Elsa, Elsa’s had been on full display whenever they were alone. 

‘I did notice and feel those things,’ Honeymaren said. ‘I just never imagined that’s what it all meant.’

‘I gathered as much,’ Elsa said, moving back in for another kiss. ‘But we’re here now and I love you.’

‘I love you too, Elsa.’

Some time later Honeymaren held Elsa in her arms as they looked at the starry sky through their bedroom window. ‘I can’t believe it’s you,’ she said. ‘I can’t believe you are who the one I’ve been looking for all of my life.’

**Author's Note:**

> That's it for today! I'm in Europe so the 17th is almost over, but I'm still committed to getting all eight stories up before the end of this wonderful Elsamaren summer!


End file.
